where the paradise plays in:

I've felt this before, like echoing on hardwood floors. What I'm thinking past is nothing like the visual I get from this feeling, from this smell, but still,- I'd say its the dusty hard wood floors, and the white wash walls, that give me that same feeling everyone gets from something new. Something that reminds you of frosted dirt, so different from you it makes you smile a burning smile. It's the way I felt and saw and smelled, when I walked into our new house 4 years ago. At the time I had been down about the pettiest of things, nothing to bad had happened to me, that i could remember, it was just normal teenage angst, and it was the worst I'd ever had it. I got out of the car and the empty October air hit me immediatly. I held my mittens in my hand but didnt put them on, I liked the way my hands looked with the new background. I felt a lump in my throat and decided to just let it out. Like maybe if she saw my tears, she'd know how they burned, and she'd remember what it felt like,- to hate, and to hurt so bad for what you dont actually want and what you miss,- like maybe we could turn back now, and I could go back to slow moving maturity, and the latest things to think about like reputation, and boyfriends, and wondering why the first girl who kissed me hated me so much. I was so sad and angry with the situation I was in before we came here, all I knew was I was screwed up and wanted out. But as we walked through the leafs and frost to our new front door, I wanted so badly to turn back. I didnt know this place and I didnt like it, I closed my eyes and felt myself fall, I wanted to get past the ignorance, I wanted to get past feeling this way, and the ingnorance to what I felt and how the hell I was sapose to help myself. It was all I knew, and changing my scene I knew would change me, and I didnt want to take the chance of this change being for the worst...... MORE------------>