this summer was an eye closer, really, I couldnt stand to look at it. I've never been so pale. This summer, was where him and I made a promise, we decided to start clean. He promised none of all that and I promised to try to not be so crazy. and he kept telling me I should probably not second guess him; he had alot over my head. Even when he wasnt as clean as he said. Even when we broke the promise. I had so many plans and slept through all of them. I dont remember any sunshine. most of my summer was spent giving a shit about math, and avoiding friends for the sake of responsibility and sanity,- a catch-22. Short of a headache I didnt accomplish much of anything. I missed an entire summer and feel like I can never be sane again. I felt trapped and manipulated and hurt and weak and hungry and beaten and unloved, but I was to tired to think about how I could escape. I fell in and out of love with him three or more times. it made sense, i promise, but god, what kind of sense is that? So its almost fall and Im hoping maybe things wont seem quite so harsh. And hoping I can get something done... find my friendship tick... Im hoping to all that I dont sleep through it.