4am, one of my poor, un-motivated nights

I've been up since 3am and just took in the humor of this repeated ritual I have around this time about 4-5 times a week and thought I would share.--- I wake around 3am, usually because I'm stressing out about bills, the dirty apartment, getting a job,school, or if James' is getting enough protein. Or I wake up feeling sick from stressing out about the same stuff the night before or I had a dream about how I should rearrange my furniture. I lay in bed for a while thinking I need more shelves... get out of bed at about 4am, sit on the toilet for a while, reading or just thinkin', until one of my cats brings me another mouse, and I wish it wasnt dead because its kinda cute and I want to keep it as a pet. I come out into the kitchen/dining room/living room that I cleaned the day before but somehow is trashed again (my apartment looks like a crack head is living in it). I'm stepping past pans on the floor I have yet to wash(they're on my floor because I have approximately 1 square foot of counter space), to get to my fridge, I look over the contents, all condiments, a block of cheese, an onion, and alot of juice, and decide I'm not hungry anyway. I'll just smoke a smoke and warm up some coffee. I check my email, all junk mail but I read it anyway, play some solitaire then cut out some coupons in the 'ShopWise' I got in the mail, I unconsciously check the mail 3 times a day, even on Sundays... I like mail. I get on ebay or overstock and look at all the things I want to buy but dont have the money or room for... write some bad poety, by this time its light outside, so i take a nap, have myself another day, then repeat. I feel like one of those middle aged bald, fat guys with bi-focals who works as a temp and wears bad shirts and rides his bycicle to work, complete with lime green helmet and goggles. But honestly I love it, its an experience and at least I have something to frickin' write about...